I was talking to my counselor the other day particularly about one relationship I was struggling with. After awhile of talking he final asked me “What need do they fulfill?” I had never even thought about that question or had never thought about our relationship in a way where they are actually giving me something to fill a void I have. I suppose it is true, we do have relationships for a reason and they do benefit us in one way or another and we seek out other relationships to fill some sort of void that our other relationship are not filling. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this question. which if I am being honest has just led me to more questions. Why is it that I continue to partake in a relationship that is taking so much of my mental energy? Not to say it is good or bad but what is the actual reason. Beyond that is the reason a healthy one? Is it a reason that only that person can fulfill or can I get the need elsewhere?
These questions all began to pop into my head. I had no idea. What did/do I get out of this relationship? I have been stewing on these for a couple days now with some progress but little towards the actual core of the answer. Yet I find that one simple question so powerful. It is a good question to ask ourselves in any relationship that we have and particularly when we are frustrated or there is tension within that relationship. I do believe that once I gain a more clear insight into the actual need that is being met I will have a better idea how to proceed or possibly not with this particular relationship.
After reflecting a lot on this question I though it might be useful to some of my readers especially if you too are struggling with a relationship and how you want to move forward. Hopefully you find it as helpful as I have.