When You Love Someone, Now I Get It

I have been kind of avoiding this topic because I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to talk about it and if I did what I would even want to say. However, the more I sit here and think about it the more I feel I need to write it down. You see this blog is so much more to me than just sharing my thoughts or things that happened. Writing things down is a way for me to process, release emotion and yes if I need, to grieve. Well today I think we are a bit on the needing to grieve side.

You see I had a boyfriend and we recently broke up. I haven’t really written about him because in case, as it turns out to be, it didn’t work out I just didn’t want to talk much about it. However, I am really struggling with this one. I do believe with all my heart that I loved him and I did want a future with him. Unfortunately for me I just had a little more life experience than he did and he really needs to get that for himself. More or less if I were to give our relationship a diagnosis its a case of the wrong timing.

What is making this so hard for me is I did and still do care about him so much and I wanted this to work more than anything. I loved him. Unfortunately for me love sometimes just isn’t enough. All of this has made me reflect on comments that my ex-wife made to me when we separated. She would say that this hurts so bad because I love you so much and I just want you to be happy but it results in you getting what you want and me getting nothing of what I wanted. I did not fully get these comments at the time and I guess that was because I was on the other side of the fence. I was in fact getting what I wanted. However now sitting on the side she was on I fully get her statements. I love him and I want him to be happy but it comes at a cost. It comes at a cost of my happiness (at least temporarily) and a feeling of slight emptiness inside.

If you have heard the song “When You Love Someone” by James TW a piece of the lyrics about sum up how I feel. Here’s that snippet:

It don’t make sense but nevertheless
You gotta believe us, it’s all for the best
It don’t make sense
It don’t add up
We’ll always love you no matter what

You can obviously substitute the We’ll for I’ll. It’s hard because I look back at our relationship and so many things remind me of him. One of my favorite things about him was his love for music because I have a serious love for music. Even more than that we had very similar taste in music. We would often take late night drives and just sing to the top of our lungs to a host of songs. These are some of my favorite memories. The challenge becomes now is we shared so much music how do I move forward listening to these songs without associating or thinking about him? It’s a serious challenge.

In the case that he happens to read this post I want to share one more song with you. It was sort of our song; “Promise” by Tracy Chapman. This, at least for me, was more than just our song it was in fact my promise to him and I want to remind him that it still remains my promise.

If you wait for me
Then I’ll come for you
Although I’ve traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in a while
Then I’ll return to you
I’ll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I’ll find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
If you dream of me
Like I dream of you
In a place that’s warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I’ll find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
Oh, I’ve longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I’ll find my way back to you
Please say you’ll be waiting
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it’s one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me
And say you’ll hold
A place for me
In your heart
A place for me in your heart
A place for me in your heart
A place for me in your heart

One thought on “When You Love Someone, Now I Get It

  1. Pingback: Being Selfish; The Bucket Analogy | The Road Less Traveled

Comments are closed.